Top 10 Things I'd Say If I Had The Opportunity To Get X-Rayed & Groped By TSA
Wednesday, November 17, 2010 at 8:06AM So, there’s a significant hub-ub going on around the Interweb Machine Thingy about the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) taking full body scans of people as part of the ever-changing airport screening process.
And supposedly if you refuse to go into said scanning machine, a TSA “pat-down” ensues.
What does that entail?
A TSA agent coming literally within millimeters of your “feel good” spots.
I KNOW!!!! Free feel-me-ups! That’s what I immediately thought of too!
So, I jumped in my car, threw the kid seats on the front lawn, sped towards O’Hare and lived in the moment that I was about to get a free government-aided groping.
Thirty-minutes later I was back in the car dejected, depressed, and disturbed by the fact that you have to pay the fee of an airline ticket to get nude pictures of yourself and a slight brushing against your man-area.
Seems like everything these days is over-priced.
So instead, I went home and day-dreamed about how wonderful it would be to experience the joyous TSA screening and all the wonderful things we would say to each other.
So, I give you:
The Top 10 Things I’d Say If I Had The Opportunity To Get X-Rayed & Groped By TSA
1) “Should I look into the camera while you do it and give you my pinky in the mouth bashful look?”
2) “If someone were to have a sock stuffed in their pants would it show up on this thing? Hypothetically of course!”
3) TSA Agent: “Sir...SIR!! Please, place your pants back on your person!!”
Me: “Easy tiger, I was just trying to reveal that I harbor no terrorist weapons…other than this one!!! AAahhhh got you sucka!”
4) “Dude!! I’m sporting a pair of my wife’s panties. Can you be a pal and not grope me in a way that reveals them? She’s watching me like a hawk!!”
5) “Holy shit I look good under these clothes. Seriously, can you text me that x-ray so I can toss it up on Facebook?! Thanks chief.”
6) “Hey bub…try taking a chapter out of your mom’s ethics diary and warm your damn hands up first you masochist!”
7) “Just a heads up, there may possibly be a ‘dangerous package’ in my pants you’ll want to explore. I’m just sayin.”
8) “Heeeyyy…I know those hands. Fred? Is that you?”
9) “What the hell are you laughing at? It’s freakin’ cold in here OK! Jackasses.”
10) “I trimmed things up down there this morning for you and you didn’t even mention it. Not even a thank you. Selfish bastards.”
Oh the good times I’ll have with those frisky TSA cats.
Leave a comment and tell me what you'd say!!
TSA, airport scanning, depression, feel-me-ups, groping, package, panties, sock, terrorist, trim
Reader Comments (28)
"Careful, that's how this happened (pointing at my daughter)..."
It must have been 15 years ago I went to a concert where they were frisking everyone and some lady, at least 15 years older than I me did my frisking and she did brush her whole hand (palm up) against my girly bits. She then took both of her hands and squeezed my butt cheeks. She said, "That's why I work here." then patted me on the bottom and said "The free stuff".
I usually cry when I see my daughters cry. i really do not know but they are my precious treasures that whenever they are hurt, it hurts me ten times.
Steve Kerr
http://ohealthlounge.com.au
LMAO when I travel home I will be sure to use these.I am sure it will be fun with 2 car seats and a stroller...Feel me up baby after this long trip haha
I probably won't say anything, but God knows that if it ever happens to me I will be giggling in memory of all of these Hilarious
I need you to get to know me first!!
So I'm not sure what was funnier...your blog post or the comments. All very entertaining lol.
You crack me up! "Free feel-me-ups!"... Well they weren't exactly free were they? Good rule of thumb: Nothing is Free :P.
Real men do cry, not afraid to show emotions. That is what we call a man. It is like finding a Kirkland WA homes for sale in a dream land.